The day I found out I had miscarried was the hardest day of my life that I can remember to date. It was loss and there was nothing I could do. Fortunately, it was during Spring Break and I didn't have to go and face my students or colleagues. This meant I could sleep and lay down and cry for hours on end without anyone to answer to.This week I was looking through all of my pictures for some portfolio changes I'm making and I came across these photos. These are my first day alone after the miscarriage. Jord had to go back to school and I didn't have class until later on in the day. I didn't want to go home and be by myself so I went out to shoot instead. I'm not sure how I ended up at a point where I was taking these but it's what happened.I see now that these were an exploration of coping for me. I never take self portraits and I really never have a desire to be in photographs to be honest with you. But this was a time when I didn't know myself and what God had planned for me and I guess that sparked some interest.This is still very much the case. It is starting to get a little cooler outside here in Charleston -- minus today when it jumped back up to 75. Though I enjoy the sweater weather, with it comes a sense of wanting to lie down, to hide away, to be alone and the only thing I can think of in those moments is -- I'm still not pregnant; how can this be?Though I look at these and have similar struggles I no longer feel the pain I had in this moment. There is still much hurt there with every passing negative month but it is so different. The photos however are not they still manage to have the same peace. I'll always be thankful I have these photos because if nothing else they helped me once again this week; to cope.