Dear Mom, Dear Dad, While I can't say I've always triumphed at the way I was raised, those darn teenage years, I must say as I was reading this article today, I think you did a pretty good job. 
I promised myself I wouldn't get into the Miley of it all that happened the other night but here I am writing this post because it has sparked my voice. (Because I know you as parents, I know that mom knows exactly what I'm talking about and dad hasn't got a clue but he's probably heard it rumbling around the past few days. So dad, ask mom.)

There have been times in my young adult life that I have questioned whether or not I had very much self worth and confidence. It fluctuated back and forth but it is easy to compare yourself to others and while that isn't a good thing, it is a thing. 

My question was answered today and the answer is yes I do have self worth and I always have. 

I used to wonder why it was that when I was invited to the parties growing up I never wanted to go, why was staying home with mom and dad on a Friday night more fun? Or when I did attend the occasional party why I, the dancer at my high school didn't want to "get down" on the dance floor with all of my high school peers. Now I'm not out to say that those who were out on that dance floor didn't have self worth but what I will say is that I just couldn't do it. I didn't feel comfortable and I would constantly check my watch to see if it was time to go home. Thankfully, dance conventions, competitions, and performances took me out of town on most weekends so I could politely decline the invites and that was acceptable without being outed. 

When we moved from North to South Carolina the kids partied more frequent and I stayed home with you even more. You might have thought you had a "square" for a kid but I was in heaven at being the new girl who didn't go to the parties and got to hand pick her friends because we hadn't grown up together before high school. I developed closer relationships with my dance friends and I spent most of my time with them at rehearsals. You can't really get into too much trouble at dance rehearsals. 

What I didn't recognize at the time is that there was a spirit at home I much preferred to the empty feeling I felt when going out. It was legal. It was safe. 

I often think about some of my first weeks of high school, when neither of you were afraid to tell me to get my bum back in my room and change my clothes when that skirt was a little shorter than you wanted. At the time there may have been an eye roll or two but it is something that has stuck with me to this day. I strive to dress in a manner where I will be respected and I know it's because of that. I can't thank you enough for teaching me not to look to men for self approval. 

I was grateful you taught me to wait until age for things like drinking, smoking, etc. You never pressured me into this choice, but made sure I knew you didn't stand for it and would be disappointed.  Not only did my dance body need that treatment but my soul needed that as well. I still to this day don't pursue these things, even of age, and I've been blessed to find a man who lives that lifestyle with me. I know Dad, you might have imagined one day, after I was 21, sitting down and watching a Carolina basketball game with me and my husband drinking a beer, but I'm thankful for your support when we choose a Dr. Pepper or lemonade. 

Though you and I find different ways to go about living our religious beliefs, I have always benefitted from being taught right from wrong at such an early age. It is something I hope to pass on to my children and that it will last as long as you have on me. 

When I found Jordan I knew he was my guy because of the way we felt about these things and more. To some it may seem like a laundry list. You can't do this, you can't do that. But for me, it was the way you raised me. 

I love you for showing me the attention I needed so that I would never put myself in a situation to go on stage and do something like what Miley did the other night. For raising me in such a way that if I was asked to perform like that I would have said no. 

It might not have worked for everyone but it worked for me. 


Sandy, Utah, 2011. © All rights reserved.

We're here. We're here.

Slowly getting our house in order. Which I will definitely share when it is done.

In the mean time check out this article.
-- NYC October 2012 --

Yesterday one of my favorite dance teachers passed away. I feel so fortunate to have had the opportunity to study ballet under him. He was the sweetest man and was the first one to greet me with a smile to start my day for nearly two years while I lived in NYC. My dance movement was drastically changed by what I learned from him. The dance world is a better place because he was apart of it. 

RIP David Howard. 

Last night we slept in our bed for the first time since May.

It was amazing after a long day of moving in.

Have I mentioned how much I hate moving? Well I do. And I don't want to do it again for a very long while. The idea of decorating and figuring out what I can do new with our stuff than I did last time is a nice idea but boy putting it to the test is another story. I just want all of the boxes to unpack themselves and find the recycling bin outside.

In all honesty, I am excited to start hanging art on the walls and to make this space our own little home.

We decided after waking up this morning that we would start with the bedroom first since that was the place we would probably be most annoyed about having boxes around. We got through all of the boxes in the bedroom and after finishing had about 3 boxes full of things to give away.

Half way through I sat on the floor for a bit earlier and had to pull myself together. It's hard to get rid of things when you move. There is this idea that you know you don't need it anymore but then you remember the memories you made with those items. It's hard to balance knowing that I will be with Jord forever and there will be many events in our life of significance but then also not want to keep every little detail from events that have already made it significant.

But it's done and we move on and we make new memories and we cherish that memory of that cute shirt he wore on our first date that we just gave to someone new to make memories of their own.

Tomorrow I think we will do the office.

It's good to be home.